


Te Extraño (I Miss You)

by andy_ros3



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Dorks in Love, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Hurt Raphael, Hurt Simon Lewis, Love Confessions, M/M, Magnus is fabulous even if he's only mentioned, rough start
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 02:31:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9946235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andy_ros3/pseuds/andy_ros3
Summary: To Clary: I don’t think I can do this Clary. Is this even a good idea??From Clary: Simon you have to do this. For yourself. Don’t worry, no matter what happens I’m here for you.To Clary: You’re right, thanks Clary. Omg we just pulled up outside the club.From Clary: Go inside and stop freaking out.To Clary: I’m not freaking outTo Clary: I know your eyebrows are raised. Okay, yes, I’m freaking out. I miss him and I want him and I don’t know why he invited me here. It’s been 3months and 16 days Clary. Why now? Why would he wait so long to contact me for whatever reason? Why was I such an idiot? Oh god what if it’s just to return something I left at his or what if he tells me he’s met someone new and he’s moved on.From Clary: Simon stop. Stop overthinking this and go inside.Simon is about to text back to delay entering PanDEMONium but Clary beats him to it. She knows him too well.From Clary: You’re going to be fine, just go.Simon enters PanDEMONium expecting it to be the usual vibrant, enthralled and booming place but it’s empty apart from a grand black piano where Raphael sits playing a few notes. Simon knows he does that when he’s nervous.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've been listening to a lot of Aquilo recently. If you haven't heard their music I strongly recommend you give it a go. I was listening to their song 'So Close To You' which is what inspired what you're about to read.  
> I recommend listening to the song before you continue to read or as you read so here's a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9qij28_rfI  
> You don’t have to listen if you don’t want to…but it is really good  
> Disclaimer: I do not own the song lyrics in this fic or the characters.

Wednesday night

**From Raphael:** Friday Pandemonium, 8 pm. Please come.

Simon's eyes widened, his eyebrows shooting towards his hairline and his jaw-dropping as his phone screen lit up with the new message. It had been 3 months and 14 days since Simon and Raphael had last spoken, not that Simon was counting or anything. That had been after the break-up when Raphael had appeared a week later to retrieve some belongings from Simon's flat. Up until that moment, Simon had been foolishly and desperately hoping that Raphael wouldn't ask for his belongings back because maybe then it would've given Simon an excuse to see him. An excuse to try to mend what had been torn apart. But Simon had never worked up the courage to face the man who he had hurt. He was a coward.

Then Raphael had turned up at his door with red eyes made worse by the black circles underneath and asked for his belongings in a small voice. Simon almost didn't recognise Raphael he looked so different, so tired and so much weaker. The Raphael he'd known up until then took pride in his appearance, carefully concealed his emotions and never allowed his voice to be small and fragile. Just as quickly as he'd appeared he'd walked out of the door without looking back. Simon remembered reaching out for Raphael's hand wanting to comfort him, to take everything he said back but let it fall limply to his side when Raphael had flinched away from him at the sudden action.

Tears were forming in his eyes, his heart fluttering uncomfortably. Did he dare to hope? 

Simon had said a lot of things he regretted. He thinks what if he hadn't spoken? He had become a lot quieter since then, not trusting his voice anymore. It had become a dangerous tool that had forced the man he loved out of his arms. He wanted to take it all back. He was desperate to apologise for ever saying that Raphael didn't care about him, that he was using Simon to figure out his sexuality, that he didn't try, that he'd let them grow apart and that he purposely sabotaged their relationship because he couldn’t handle being intimate with someone who might actually give a shit. Once he had started Simon hadn't been able to stop letting all of his insecurities, doubts, and fears come tumbling out in an angry mess.

**To Raphael:**  I'll be there I promise.

He receives a reply instantly.

**From Raphael:**  Good.

Thursday night

Simon couldn't sleep. He was so nervous about tomorrow night that he couldn't switch his brain off, couldn't stop his inner monologue from rambling on and on. Mostly about Raphael and how to make things right with him. Just with those two texts, Simon felt like he'd been extended a lifeline, a tightrope. Now he just had to carefully make his way across to the other side where Raphael stood, delicate and dangerously handsome, without falling into the snake pit before he got there. The trouble with a mind that wanders uncontrollably is that it can lead Simon down threatening paths that scare him like  _do you honestly expect Raphael to forgive you? You don't deserve him. You damaged him and damaged yourself. There's not turning back from this. You're so out of line hoping he'll take you back._

Before he really knew what he was doing Simon had put on some jogging bottoms a loose t-shirt, his trainers and had started running with music blaring through his headphones. The chill clawed at Simon as he ran sending shivers coursing down his spine but he pushed against. He didn’t pay attention to his surroundings or where he was going and knew he’d probably regret it later if he ended up lost but he had to keep moving. It was one of the first instances where his rambling mind had scared him. Simon wasn't generally an unhappy or worrisome guy. Usually, the rambling leads him to places that were fun and nerdy, to places where he was comfortable. It was unnerving, how weak his mind had become after losing Raphael.

Simon stopped abruptly in his tracks as if a brick wall had appeared in front of him. Raphael's voice was singing to him through his headphones. He'd forgotten, or rather he'd forced it out of his mind, that he'd recorded Raphael singing and playing a few chords Simon had taught him on his guitar one morning. It had been one of the most pleasurable experiences of waking up Simon had ever experienced. He'd thought that if he could wake up to this beauty more often he'd happily become a morning person. He choked on the tears swelling up deep from his chest trying to swallow them down. He wanted it. He wanted to be a morning person for Raphael and to hold him and to kiss him again. He wanted Raphael to know he had never stopped loving him.

Simon somehow managed to make it back to his apartment mid-morning in one piece and without getting lost. He stripped down to his boxers before collapsing in his bed grabbing a pillow and hugging it close to him. Only 10 hours until he saw him again.

Friday night

Simon had changed his outfit at least 50 times and he still couldn't decide what to wear. He wanted to look good for Raphael but he didn't want to look overdressed or like he was trying too hard or not like himself. He wanted it to look natural and like the Simon, Raphael had told him he liked, a lot. Why couldn't it of been enough? Why had Simon needed to hear 'I love you'. Honestly, Simon wasn't even sure what people wore outside anymore since he'd been staying cooped up in his apartment hiding his pain from the world. Clary had tried to convince him countless times to go out, have fun and to just forget. But Simon didn't want to 'just forget'; his time with Raphael had been amazing. Raphael had been Simon's first long-term relationship and he'd learned a lot. The fun, enjoyment and all the feelings he'd felt because of their time together were precious and important. Simon couldn't bring himself to try and lock them away and move past it. To Simon, it would be an even bigger betrayal to their relationship than what he had already done.

It's 6 pm now, he has an hour and a half to get ready and feels like he needs another shower after changing so many times. Not to mention his uncontrollable nerves protesting causing him to sweat out of every possible part of his body. After digging through his disappointing wardrobe Simon finally decides on his best pair of jeans, a leather jacket and a deep green t-shirt and lays them out of the bed. He grabs his lucky pair of superhero socks and places the pair next to his clothes before dashing into his bathroom turning the shower to cold. He strips off his boxers and steps into the cold water ridding his body of the unwelcome sweat.

Simon sighs as he washes his body down with a flannel and soap for the third time that day. He whimpers when he catches sight of the bottle of body wash Raphael had left behind on one of his visits. Simon had hidden it behind any bottle he could find to avoid seeing it but also to avoid returning it. Raphael always smelt so good and Simon wasn’t quite ready to part with it just yet. When they had first broken up Simon had found himself using it as a comfort. He had always felt safe in Raphael’s arms, enveloped in his smell and tracing patterns across his hands. God - or as Raphael would say, Dios - he missed him.

Back in his room, Simon notes the clock. He has an hour left. 30 minutes to get ready and 30 minutes to get there. He could do this. He had to do this. Simon dries and dresses swiftly and checks his appearance a dozen times before his taxi arrives (just in case the evening doesn’t pan out in the way he hopes and he needs a few dozen drinks to soothe the blow). He hears the car horn outside and grabs his keys, phone and wallet his palms already sweaty again.

There’s nothing to distract himself on the ride over; no matter how much he tried the driver isn’t willing to make small talk and the scenery is too familiar to be interesting. He’s left to his own devices of fiddling with his phone and texting Clary.

**To Clary:** I don’t think I can do this Clary. Is this even a good idea??

**From Clary:** Simon you have to do this. For yourself. Don’t worry, no matter what happens I’m here for you.

**To Clary:** You’re right, thanks Clary. Omg we just pulled up outside the club.

**From Clary:** Go inside and stop freaking out.

**To Clary** : I’m not freaking out

**To Clary:** I know your eyebrows are raised. Okay, yes, I’m freaking out. I miss him and I want him and I don’t know why he invited me here. It’s been 3months and 16 days Clary. Why now? Why would he wait so long to contact me for whatever reason? Why was I such an idiot? Oh god, what if it’s just to return something I left at his or what if he tells me he’s met someone new and he’s moved on.

**From Clary:** Simon stop. Stop overthinking this and go inside.

Simon is about to text back to delay entering PanDEMONium but Clary beats him to it. She knows him too well.

**From Clary:** You’re going to be fine, just go.

Simon enters PanDEMONium expecting it to be the usual vibrant, enthralled and booming place but it’s empty apart from a grand black piano where Raphael sits playing a few notes. Simon knows he does that when he’s nervous. That makes two of us Simon thinks. There’s a single table with two seats adorned with a white tablecloth and two glasses. Simon coughs in a subtle attempt to announce his presence but it's anything but subtle and sounds like he’s choking on the air around him.

Raphael turns on his stool stunned by the abrupt interruption. “You came.”

Simon attempts to regain his composure, not that he had any to begin with, and begins internally debating whether it’s too soon to smile or wave. He’s resisting every urge in his body to run up to him and hug him and say how sorry he is and how much of an idiot he was before begging to take him back. He doesn’t and instead weakly says, “Yeah, I said I would. Almost didn’t.” Simon’s face scrunches up at his last two words annoyed that he’d admit that. He should be trying to make a good impression.

“Would you mind taking a seat?” Raphael nods to the table and two chairs.

Simon nods gratefully, feeling like his legs might give out on him at any second he feels so weak. “Are we expecting anyone else?”

Raphael furrow his brows, “No, should we be?”

“Err no, it’s just there are two chairs here and there’s only one of me.” The words stumble out ineloquently.

Raphael snickers. “That’s for me, idiota. If everything goes according to plan.”

Before he can say anything else embarrassing or awkward Raphael turns back to the piano and warms up his fingers. Simon knows that’s his cue to shut up and listen. And then Raphael starts to play and sing…

Wouldn’t you like to know

Just how I’m doing

It’s been so long

This place feels just the same

Old and forgotten

This frozen sound

 Simon had forgotten how weak he was to Raphael’s incredible voice. He’s beautiful. No, Simon thinks, beautiful doesn’t do him justice. Simon quickly decides when he tries to remember endearing words in Spanish that no language does Raphael Santiago justice.

And the fire burns with great desire

As the stories start to flow

And we’ll be drinking through memories and laughing with enemies

We made back when we were so young

 Raphael is looking at him now, his stare unwavering and intense. Simon daren’t look away noticing a vulnerability hidden within the depths of Raphael’s eyes. The lyrics resonate with Simon as he listens. He wants him, he wants this. He wants it all back. Simon regrets being so selfish.

As I’m so close to magic

So close to home

Yeah, I’m so close to magic

So close to home

 

So won’t you take the time

Try to remember

It’s all in me

It’s not hard for me to see

Just how forgotten these days can be

 Simon wants to run to Raphael and assure him nothing is forgotten. How could he ever forget? Simon was beginning to understand that Raphael hadn’t either.

And the fire burns with great desire

As the stories start to flow

And we’ll be drinking through memories and laughing with enemies

We made back when we were so young

 

As I’m so close to magic

So close to home

Yeah, I’m so close to magic

So close to home

Simon was out of his seat the moment that the song faded out and ran to Raphael who jumped at his sudden proximity. His hands found their way to Raphael’s face, his thumbs brushing over his now rose tinted cheeks. “Simon I’m sor-”

“I love you.” Simon interrupts. “So much. I’m sorry, for everything. All those things I said. I’m insecure and weak and I took that out on you. I was scared. I should never have pushed you to say that you love me. I should never have said that you were using me. I knew, no, I know that you’d never do that. You’re not an asshole, not like that. I was angry and scared and worried and-”

“Simon shut up.”

Simon shuts up. He doubts himself in an instant and moves to withdraw his hands but is stopped by two firm ones gripping his own.

“I know Simon. You were right.” Raphael states, his face serious, keeping Simon’s hand in his own.

“I was? Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure that I lost the guy I had fallen in love with because I couldn’t keep my trap shut.” Simon sounds and looks bewildered and angry but at himself.

“I walked away, you didn’t.”

“But I didn’t come after you. I should’ve come after you, I should have,” Simon whimpers shaking his head.

“Simon stop beating yourself up. I’m not angry. I was but not anymore. After wallowing in self-pity, hurt and anger for weeks Magnus forced me to accept a few cold truths. I should never have walked away from such an incredible guy in the first place. This is long overdue but I wanted to do it right so I wrote the song and I thought maybe I could entice you back. I know it’s a lot to ask. I’m stubborn, closed off, easily angered and annoyed and an asshole at the best of times but you are the best thing in my life. I’m sorry it took me so long to realise that.”

Simon could feel something wet running down his cheeks and realised he had started crying. He wasn’t sad. He was overjoyed.

“Shit sorry,” Raphael muttered pulling his sleeve down to wipe the tears away. Simon chuckled and surged forward to devour Raphael’s deliciously soft lips with his own. The kiss was far too short but was anything but innocent, fuelled by months of longing and pent-up frustration.

“I’m not upset. I’m anything but. That song and you,” Simon gestures to the piano and to all of Raphael with clumsy hand movements. His hand comes to rest on Raphael’s amazing cheekbones and move to play with the ends of his hair. Usually, Raphael would scold Simon for messing with his hair but today it was a familiar touch he had missed. Simon couldn’t help himself even when he got scolded when they had been together. He adored the soft and ragged moans that would fall from Raphael’s lips when he pulled on his soft locks. “It was beautiful, incredible. You’re incredible.”

“I had to prove it to you. I didn’t think that you’d believe me when I told you otherwise.”

“When you told me what?” Simon enquired softly.

“I love you, Simon Lewis,” Raphael explained, his voice tender and eyes filled with undisguised love and lust as he planted soft feather kisses on Simon’s lips, cheeks, neck – an available area of exposed skin. “I’m so sorry it took me so long to realise it and to tell you.”

“The song was amazing Raphael. I loved it. I can’t believe you wrote that for me.” Simon smiled, mischief present in his eyes as he grabbed Raphael’s firm ass and hoisted him up onto the piano making a mess of noise. He thrust his body against him, kissing him like his life depended on it. Raphael grunted in surprise but quickly returned the favour.

Simon pulled away breathless as Raphael growled at the loss of contact. “Let’s make a deal. We both stop apologising. We don’t have to forget about what happened and we should probably talk about it but we should definitely focus on moving forward.”

Raphael raised a single eyebrow and Simon would be lying if he said it wasn’t somehow sexy as hell. “When did you become so smart?” Raphael smiled, “Agreed. I think that’s a great idea but right now,” He smirked as he grinds his hips against Simon kissing down his neck to bite down on his pulse line, “right now I’d really like to continue with this.”

“I don’t need persuading but umm do you think we should go somewhere more private. I don’t think Magnus would appreciate us doing it on his piano.”

Raphael nodded reluctantly grabbing Simon’s hand and began to lead the way out of PanDEMONium. “Wait a moment.” Simon tugged Raphael back a few steps with him, unwilling to let go of his hand and grabbed the bottle of champagne from the forgotten about table. “Might as well celebrate with all of the luxuries.”

Saturday

It was Saturday afternoon when Simon’s phone buzzed to signal he’d received a message. He sighed and moved to retrieve it but was stopped by Raphael squeezing his waist. They had spent all of last night and the day so far in bed reconnecting and talking. Simon laughs, enjoying the needy side of Raphael but still wiggled to stretch his arm out and grab his phone.

**From Clary:** Do we need ice-cream and a movie marathon?

**To Clary:** No, everything is perfect.

Simon replies looking at the gorgeous man next to him and can’t help himself. Grinning, he straddles Raphael (not for the first time in the past few hours) hands trailing down his toned torso.

Raphael raises a single eyebrow, “Again?” And Simon melts at how sexy and dishevelled he already looks. Raphael drags him down to his lips in an urgent kiss. “I love you Simon,” He growls against Simon’s lips.

Simon grins. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Do taxi’s actually honk when they arrive? I honestly have no idea
> 
> And I would totally write the following sex scene because we all know that’s exactly what they’re going to do and a considerable number of times but I don’t write smut. I’ll write anything but I gave sex a go and it was the most awkward and shittiest written thing I have ever done so I’m going to leave it to your wonderful imagination aha
> 
> This hasn’t been beta'd so apologies for anything tragic other than the plot


End file.
